Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's top hosts used the broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he handles."

The focus was the new program which enables international citizens to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. A government portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"One message for you to rich applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best vetting the government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.